How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
