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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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