it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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