you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
