Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
