i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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