were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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