I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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