he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
