Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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