let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
