HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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