he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You left your phone here
Wait...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
