Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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