yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
