Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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