Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
another moral hangover. fuck.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
