you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
