this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he was CRYING into my vagina
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
