Your face is a jimmy john
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
