we should wear snuggies to the strip club
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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