she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
