i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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