People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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