and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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