I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I can't put those talents on a resume
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
