I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
