I want to walk on stilts...naked
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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