i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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