carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
