i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
