Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
