I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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