Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Im part way to drunk.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
