Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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