the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
