I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
