Don't you send me to vm
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
