She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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