I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
