it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
