Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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