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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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