just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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