if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
