words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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