she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
