So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize