Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just want to make out with him forever
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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