I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
it's like iHOP with fire
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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