Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
