I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
