you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
