Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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