I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
