You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
