I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She's the barista slut.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
