Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
too bad you live with your parents still
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
