In the future we'll all be gay
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
