somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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