It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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