The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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