Can Purell be used as lube?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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