i need an iv and a liver transplant
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
