You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I checked into jail on foursquare
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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