I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
