All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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