I didn't shave. On purpose
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
