Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can't turn off my feet"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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