first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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