My vagina just recognized that song.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
