Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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