I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
