We're facebook friends in real life
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
