I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
