ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
