I forgot how hot balto sounded
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize