you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
