So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
