and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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