I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
