Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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