wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
did i just pee glitter
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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