oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
