dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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