I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
