i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
