i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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